1. Have you ever bought something you like as a good gesture for someone else that you know they might not like just so you could have them? “Oh here hunny, I bought you some Twizzlers. What’s that? You don’t like Twizzlers? Aww. I’m sorry, I guess I can eat them.” I just witnessed this happen, pulled off with perfect execution.
2. Any time I see the preview for ‘Alex Cross’ come across my television screen, I instantly question my brain’s assertion that it is in fact Tyler Perry starring in the movie. Madea starring in an action flick? This can’t be life.
3. I work in an office filled with cubicles, making walking apparently impossible. Walking in aisles at work should be treated like traffic, with two lanes in opposite direction. Pass with care, don’t tailgate. Simple, right? I swear my office is filled with drunk walkers.
4. Share something today with someone in person, not via social media.
5. I had class on Tuesday so I wasn’t able to watch the Presidential debate live. No sweat, I figured I could watch (or listen to) it at work the next day. Got into work yesterday, fired up YouTube, and pulled up the video to which I was dismayed at the 30 second ad that accompanied it. Then I had to sit back and check myself as I was complaining about a 30 second video for 90 minutes of free debate video. I have an instant gratification problem sometimes.
6. If you’re ever out with your girlfriend for dinner or drinks and you see a knucklehead friend from your past, don’t be shy in inviting over to meet her. Then maybe she’ll be more appreciative she ended up with you and not South Side Sunny. Maybe, you’re kind of taking your chances. He might just be the kind of guy she’s really looking for.
7. The intent of the heart is always revealed, sometimes it just takes longer than others.
8. With the first semester of school being about halfway done for most kids, parent/teacher conferences are approaching. I used to hate parent/teacher conferences as a kid, mostly because I knew they weren’t going to go well. In my case, they should have been called parent/teacher conspiring sessions. The teacher would loft my butt beating to my mom and then my mom would spike it.
9. I met a closet Mexican who pronounced her last name Rosales as ROW-ZALES. We don’t believe you, you need more people.
10. Is” a day late and a dollar short” really the right analogy anymore? In this economy, I feel like people will work with you if you’re only a day late and a dollar short.
11. If your girlfriends ex-boyfriends names are all thug names (Erick, Ricky, Joey, Paco) and your name isn’t (Karl, Danny, Dominic, Aldo i.e. me and all my friends), you might want to invest in some form of protection.
12. With children maturing at an increasing rate, how old is the new age for “dating”? My uncle used to tell my cousin and I that we couldn’t have a girlfriend until we could pee straight and not hit the seat. By those standards, I’m still not eligible to date.
13. It’s been a rough year for Colorado. Every time I look on the news, it seems like there is another tragedy of some sort. Reminder to be thankful every day.
14. If you text me and I don’t have your number saved, don’t worry. I’ll still have a full blown conversation with you in hopes at some point you’ll say something to reveal your identity. Happened to me two days ago. I was able to determine the identity of the texter in under 10 messages. A regular ol’ Sherlock Holmes.
15. The wind in the past few nights has made a mess of people’s yards and trees. It did nothing but help my yard. It blew all the trash that people in my yard down the street. I don’t understand how people throw trash in my yard. I mean, I know I live directly on a busy street and sometimes people throw a wrapper or empty bottle out the window of their car but that’s not what I find in my yard. I find actual trash. I find pillows, diapers, supermarket meat/poultry packaging, and anything else you can think of.
16. We can't blame ourselves for the situations we’re put in all the time, but we can take responsibility for the way we respond to those situations.
17. I was so tired last night that I spelled the word “door” like D-O-U-R. I wonder who decided it should be two Os instead of OU, or why emptying something out is to pour but to have no money is to be poor? I want that job.
18. My mom has got into this nasty little habit of telling me she’s going to call me back or call me in a while and not doing it. Now I know how she feels when I do it to her. I’m sorry momma, I never meant to hurt you. Haha.
19. Few things feel manlier to me than lacing up gloves and boxing with another man. One on one, fist to fist.
20. You want to know when you’ve worked out to hard? We finished class off last night with 100 squats, 100 lunges, and 100 mountain climbers. Needless to say, my legs were dead when I got home. I headed straight to the shower, opting to use the bathroom BEFORE showering as all rational humans do. Only was it after I was comfortably seated on my porcelain throne did I notice that I was down to two sheets of toilet paper. My legs were so tired that I thought to myself “Should I get up and walk down the hall and get more teepee, come back and sit down only to have to stand up once more to get in the shower (basically two more squats) or work with these two sheets because I’m too sore? I mean, I AM getting in the shower.” I won’t tell you what I did, but that is how you know when you’ve worked out to hard. When wiping your butt well becomes debatable.