2. I don't like when people use smiley faces in reverse order, (: , like that. Mostly because it makes me feel dyslexic. I can't read that, it's like reading a different language. Left to right = :)
3. If you have enough time to complain, you have too much time.
4. Women will go against their better judgment if you can keep them on their toes and laughing. Not always, but more times than not.
5. You can lead a horse to water but you can't...you know what, forget that horse. If you gotta lead the horse to water, you've already failed.
6. "I'd rather beg for forgiveness than ask for permission."
7. I've been eating upwards of seven to ten eggs a day during our gym's life challenge that runs through Memorial Day. I feel guilty for all the chickens that have had to die for me to eat healthy. Almost as guilty for polluting my workspace with countless egg farts.
8. Come to think of it, I've been feeling guilty about eating meat lately. Well, maybe not meat but more so chicken wings. If I eat two drumsticks, that equals at least one chicken that had to die. Unless of course it was some genetically modified chicken with twelve wings in which if that is the case, I'm a little relieved.
9. There is an inherent difference between a man sending a woman a "good morning" text and a woman sending a man the same text. I don't make the rules, not all of them at least, but I do enforce them.
10. My coach always says "You have to know the rules before you can break them", he's absolutely right.
11. Never ask a woman her age... ask her what year she graduated high school.
12. You're in a dysfunctional relationship if people are taking bets on what happens first, you get a tattoo of your partners name or you break up.
13. I'm going to start treating dating like a loan. I need to see at least 2 utility bills with a girl's name on them before I approve her.
14. If you're a woman and you start a profile on a social networking tool, I swear you start with at least 100 followers/friends. I scroll across some women's profiles and I think "How does she have 1,000 followers?" and then I remember that she doesn't have a penis. The thirst is real.
15. Only in America can you lay in bed, turn on the television, and watch other people exercise.
16. I like liking depressing posts on Facebook.
17. On a scale of 1-10, how weird is it going to the funeral of someone who killed themselves because of you?
18. I've fully accepted the fact that I will die as a result of road rage because I'm the type of person who eggs crazy drivers on. Oh, I'm going to slow for you so you're going to switch lanes to pass me? Let me speed up after you've switched lanes so you can't get back over.
19. A persons convictions are only as strong as their desires. If you're willing to overlook your convictions for something you desire, it wasn't a conviction to begin with.
20. We've become more concerned with how our lives "look" and our perceived than how they actually are. Live like nobody is watching.